The Sins We Pay For
by SavageNymph
Summary: Light stands in front of L's grave and must face what he's done...and what he will continue to do. LxLight, with flashbacks! Oneshot


The rain fell in cold, fat drops. It slicked Light Yagami's hair down and slid like frigid fingers down his neck, crawling down his back.

He didn't even feel it.

Kneeling, he let one hand stroke over the marble tombstone's face. Words were carved deep into the stone, but he ignored their meaning for the moment. Instead, he simply lost himself in the sensation of the cold, punishing stone rough against his fingertips.

_"Light-kun." He looks over, insomnia-lined eyes slightly wide. "Light-kun, what's wrong? Are you crying, Light-kun?"_

_ "No." Light touches the wetness on his cheek, surprised. "No."_

_ Cool, slim fingers brush the tender skin under his eye. Fingernails, unkempt and bitten, scratch slightly but there is no pain._

_ "I'm not so blind to emotion," He half-smiles sadly, "that I cannot tell when you are crying. Do you think me a fool?"_

_ "You're no fool." Light closes his eyes and leans into the hand, into the pain. "But I'm not sure why I'm crying."_

_ Lips brush Light's jaw. His mouth, His warm candy-scented whisper of a laugh. _

_ "You are a strange one, Light-kun." _

Light's breath hitches slightly, but he swallows it. If only these feelings had died when his memory had returned. What bliss that would have been. But the part of him that was not Kira mourned, and mourned so deeply it was a constant throbbing ache. The part of him that had fallen in love (what a flawed, human emotion! So below that of a god!) with Him, with the man who's wrist had been to connected to Light's own with a chain of unrelenting metal was in constant pain.

His heart seemed to beat now with the same string of words, over and over until the mantra was all he thought about, all he could ever see when he closed his eyes.

_._

What compelled him? Now, sitting in front of this grave as the rain slowly numbed his body, Light could see a thousand other options. All ending with Him still alive, still here. But when the memories had come back, had burned through Light like fire, there had been only one path—to kill Him. The path that had been Light's only desire, so long ago, before new desires awoke and those fingers were trailing across his skin, burning deep, deep down.

Changing him. Killing him.

_"Why don't you sleep?" Light asks lightly, smiling down at Him. "If you're in bed all ready, why not? We're all taking a break for one night. You should, too."_

_ "Are you concerned for my health?" A black eyebrow cocked, truly curious. _

_ "Perhaps that's part of it." Light shrugs, rolling onto his back. _

_ "If that is only a part, than what is the rest?"_

_ "I'd like to fall asleep with you, and then wake up with you in the morning." Light cannot believe the words as they leave his mouth. Something about Him makes it hard to keep those walls Light has built around himself up. _

_ He is silent for a while before sighing. "Light-kun, you're requests are so illogical sometimes."_

_ "That's what emotions are. Illogical."_

_ He rolls over to look at Light, black eyes quizzical. "If I sleep, what will I dream about? I fear the nightmares."_

_ "Dream about me." Light grins cockily._

_ "Do you dream of me?" Knuckles brushing against his hairline. Light closes his eyes._

_ "Yes."_

Finally, Light lifts his eyes to the tombstone. He reads the words written there, letting them cut into them as the punishment for his sins:

L LAWLIET

THERE IS LIGHT IN THE DARKEST OF PLACES

That was it. No birth date, no death. Only His name and that odd, obscure quote. With fingers smudged in dirt, Light traced a line between His name and the word "light" in the quote. It was not a link, really. But it was all Light could do. The only way he could ever recognize what they had shared.

He must be Kira now. He must be God. He must…he must…

"Will you ever forgive me?" Light whispered hoarsely, putting his face into his shaking hands. "I would do anything to repent this sin."

"Who're you talking to?"

Light started at that familiar, rough voice. He looked up to see Ryuk hovering next to him, staring down at the grave with an almost amused look in his dead eyes.

"Hyuk, hyuk!" Ryuk snickered. "Are you crying, Light?"

_His arms are around Him as His black eyes begin to close, and Light is desperate to make this stop to make it go away but Kira is back and controlling everything and he is smiling even as the scream rips from his throat._

_ "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

_ And even though Kira is telling him that he is doing this for show, Light is truly screaming. No! No!_

_ No, L. Don't go,_

_ L, come back._

_ L._

_ L._

_ L._

_ "L." A voice inside Light's head whispers, the small voice that actually belongs to him. "L, where are you?_

_ "L, I love you." _

"Aw, you really miss him, huh?" Ryuk chuckles. "And poor Rem died to kill him."

Light stood up, brushing off his muddy knees. Ryuk will not see him like this.

"I had an obligation to pay." Light shrugged. "And now I have."

He turned and started walking down the grassy hill where L is buried. Distantly, he feels a part of him stay behind. Light stays behind. Kira walks on.

Light walks back to gravestone and sits down. Kira continues down the path, down to the car that will take him back to the Kira Investigation Headquarters where he will begin to rule as a God.

Light tips back his head and closes his eyes. A warmth hits his face slowly, and he smiles as the rain stops.

"See that, L?" He whispers. "I think the sun is coming out."


End file.
